Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Dear Man Hollering at Me Across the Street

Dear Man Hollering at Me Across the Street,

Yes, I hear you. And I just have to ask: why? Why are you yelling vulgar things at me? I don't know you. We aren't on that level. Heck— I'm not even on that level with some of the people I live with, let alone some stranger on the street.

And I know that this gym outfit and no makeup ensemble isn't giving a lift to your nether regions. So why? Why the need to whistle, hoot and holler? Why the offensive language and porno slang? I'm not even going to ask if that actually works for you, because I know there is no way that it does. So why keep carrying on? Clearly you don't understand the meaning of trial and error, or you would have tried a different technique by now.

Oh, and let's talk about the gestures. Stop— just stop. Stop beckoning at me like I'm a pet dog, and stop rubbing your body when I pass by because it makes everyone uncomfortable. Please keep your personal thoughts to yourself. In fact, use this rule of thumb if you're unsure that you're toeing the line: If you wouldn't say it in front of your mother, don't say it out loud. Oh, and I thought that this was pretty obvious, but evidently not: don't touch. 

A guy once grabbed my ass one time and you know what I did? I shoved him and threatened him with mace until he apologized to me in front of his friends. And that was just because that was the first time someone had ever done that— I wasn't ready. Next time, I'll be ready. I won't threaten you with mace, I will empty the entire damn bottle into your filthy-ridden pupils. I will stick around to watch while you scream in agony and clamor at your frothing eyelids. If you're lucky I might hand you a kleenex. Don't touch me. 

You know how alcoholics and addicts do the 12-step program? I think you should do something similar. I want you to look at the 12-step program and apply it to your street harassment. I'll break it down for you:

1. Admit that you CAN control what you say and do with your facial expressions, hands and the rest of your body in public.

2. Recognize a higher power that can give you strength.

3. Examine past errors with the help of someone who can control their public behavior (i.e. a gentleman).

4. Make amends for these errors by apologizing to past victims you've sexually harrassed and give only appropriate compliments to passersby.

5. Learn to live with a new life and a new code of behavior.

6. Help others who suffer from the same dangerous behavior.

There— that doesn't seem so hard, right? You're welcome.

Mace you later,

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Are Asian girlfriends the new Hipster trend?

Photo by Wikimedia Commons

Start rant: it? Now I think it's safe to say that hipsters are predominately of the Caucasian race, and I couldn't help but notice how many hipster men around L.A. lately have Asian girlfriends. I'm not just saying men...Asian exoticism has been one of the top fetishes for years now. No, I'm talking about a very specific breed of men: I'm talking pretentious coffee drinking, thick-rimmed glasses and tight pants wearing, men.

I see you— I see you Instagramming pictures of you and your first generation, Southern Pacific girlfriend hiking Runyon and replaying the bench scene from 500 days of Summer on Angels Knoll. I see you making playful jokes on Facebook about how petite she is, and how cute it is when she gets red from drinking. I gag a little when I see you eating Pho or Korean BBQ together to "get to know her culture."

Well I've got news for you boys...I don't like being a trend. No, I don't appreciate you making me the next Snapchat, and I personally guarantee that I will have a public fit of outrage if I ever see #myasiangf trending on Twitter. 

Don't get me wrong, give me a white boy and 90% of the time I will be on them like white on rice; I love white boys. What I don't love, however, is that the awesomeness of interracial couples has been reduced to this summer's new collection. Since when does the race of your significant other serve as a fashion statement? I don't get it.

I've seen the rise of other ethnic girlfriends as well— Hispanic, African-American, and Persian. A part of me loves the increase in interracial couples, but I want it to be for REAL. Not saying that these couples aren't really in love— I just want to make sure that they are actually serious about these women and not just taking them home to Mommy and Daddy so that they can talk later about "that exotic girlfriend you had that one time."

And...end rant. 

Sunday, July 14, 2013


Sorry for the month-long hiatus folks— I've finally managed to get a full-time job in my field and therefore have absolutely no idea how balance all the different aspects of my life. Turns out that six or so odd months of freelance did not teach me the art of prioritizing very well. Here's a quick rundown of what's been on my mind lately:

My "Blurred Lines" blog
Holy moly! If I had known how much media attention I would get from dubbing Robin Thicke's new song as a "rape song," then I would have written him a thank you letter months ago. Sadly most of the blogs spelled my last name wrong (a pretty careless fact-checking error, I think), but did I enjoy my minute (more like 10 seconds) of fame? Sure did.

I know that I've gotten a whole cluster of YouTube-esque comments on the blog which I've stopped reading after "You should change your blog to 'Lesbian in L.A.,'" but I don't really have any followup response besides the one that I gave MSN News.

Sara Bareilles' "Brave": 
Speaking of music videos, here is one of my new favorites that is both catchy and has a positive, inspiring message. Plus, the video is shot in several different L.A. locations, including Chinatown and Pershing Square. 

To all my single ladies: 
Is it kosher to post an ad for single girlfriends? Because I'm in deep need of one...or five. The summer is sadly winding down and my ration of single girlfriends is now currently nonexistent. It seems like EVERYONE is in a relationship and I just don't know what to do with myself besides gag silently in the corner. It's actually gotten to the point where I want to throw rocks at the next couple I see so much as smile at each other.

On another note, if things do magically turn around and I find myself with a snuggle buddy this winter, I'm totally getting this burrito pillow.

Beat the heat: 
This is officially the first full summer that I've been in in L.A. and man, is it HOT! To relieve myself from the endless sweating in my non-air-conditioned apartment, here's a list of gloriously wonderful L.A. things to do this season:

1. Jazz at LACMA: Every Friday until August 30th, LACMA will have jazz concerts on their pavilion.  And once you're done listening to these artists, you can roam around the museum until 11pm for free! It's a perfect mixture of art, music, and gorgeous scenery— all of my favorite things.

2. Hollywood Bowl:
Have you been to a Hollywood Bowl concert yet? I just bought tickets to Chicago: The Musical, and couldn't be more excited. Next stop: Pantages.

3. Yamashiro Farmers Market on Thursdays: Every Thursday from April to September, this special farmers market is open to the public. They always have a great selection of food trucks and vendors that sell local produce, baked goods, clothing, accessories, and more food. What is more, the view is breathtaking at night and the hotel and restaurant even has a poolside lounge where you can order drinks and gaze at the moon.

4. Outdoor theaters: I have been trying for what seems like the last two months to get tickets to Cinespia and Oscar Outdoors and failing miserably. Tickets are a hot commodity and are sold out at least a week in advance for Cinespia and pretty much the rest of the summer for Oscar Outdoors. Can someone just please let me in to see Some Like it Hot with my picnic blanket and a glass of wine? A handsome hunk wouldn't hurt either...

5. Shakespeare in the Park: Also on my to-do list, these weekly plays are free and put on in Griffith Park's Old Zoo.

Things like this make me love L.A. so much...