Friday, March 15, 2013

Liza's Lingo

Liza dressed as Elton John, #casual. 

Today my best friend landed a big girl job with actual health benefits like dental (which is all I really care about), and I couldn't be happier. We are so close that it literally feels like I was the one that got the job...if only. Nevertheless, it gave me hope that I too can achieve dental benefits and I am absolutely giddy with delight. One, because this means she can finally afford a flight to see me in L.A., and two, it's one less millennial that is unemployed. I dedicate this post to her and her ridiculous sayings and phrases that I've acquired throughout the years. She's a loud, fiery black woman trapped in a small, ginger girl's body.

1. NBD (No big deal): I've known her for four years and I'm embarrassed to say that it took me two years to figure out what this meant— despite the fact that she used this acronym almost every day. Example of NBD used in a sentence: "I hung out with Shaun White at the Roosevelt last night, NBD."

2. Hangry: The birth child of "hungry" and "angry," used in instances where you are so ravenous, you are irritable. If I haven't eaten in six or more hours and there is something or someone keeping me from food, I am definitely hangry. Beware of hangry people because they tend to resort to physical and verbal abuse for so much as a donut.

3. VOM.COM: Eliza uses this at the end of sentences where she expresses something that is terribly disgusting or cringe-worthy, mostly having to do with relationships. Example: "My friend just Instagramed a picture of her and her boyfriend's text messages saying 'I love you' to each other, VOM.COM."

4. Ganglebot: Any species of a human that is incredibly tall and has long, lanky limbs. Or in other words, anyone that resembles this guy:

Photo of Russell Brand via Wikimedia Commons

5. Sorry not sorry: This is when you do something you know that you should feel guilty about, but you just don't give a damn. I think this may be the millennials' mantra for this generation. Example: "I've already had four mimosas and it's only 3 P.M. on a Wednesday— sorry not sorry!"

6. SQUEEEEE!!!: I'm trying to remember the origin of this, and contrary to popular belief, it didn't come from Snookie and the Jersey Shore. A few years ago, Eliza and I were at a pig pickin' for a fraternity event (I'm not proud to say this), and there was a middle-aged woman who was extremely loopy from drinking god knows how much moonshine. She got so shwasted that she proceeded to scream "SQUEEEEEEE!!!" over and over in various high-pitched tones in the middle of the party. So now, whenever we are so exuberantly happy that we can't find any other way of expressing our excitement, we say "SQUEEEEEEEE!!!" instead.

7. Stop it.: There has to be a period after this phrase because it needs the sense of finality to show how serious you are. This is one of my personal favorites and I use it at least 10 times a day because that's the minimum amount of times that I want people to stop it. It's short, abrupt, but still means business. Example:
(Me): "I just saw this man in a wheelchair stand up and walk across the street to buy a beer."
(Eliza): "Stop it."

8. I mean...: I'm pretty sure this is in the first chapter of Sarcasm 101. You use this simple phrase at the beginning of a sentence when you are describing something in disbelief. Example: "I mean...a British snake handler and Adele impersonator is in the same audition as me, is this real life?"

9. Truelife: One word and not the MTV reality show. The second cousin to "I mean...," this word is used to reiterate that this really is your life, though it might not seem plausible or believable.  Example: "I have $8.00 to my name until next Friday, truelife."

10. Holler: Eliza has this tattooed on her bottom lip, it is so integrated into her life. You can tell she's drunk when she starts showing everyone the tattoo, but that's another story. You can use this word in a variety of ways, like expressing excitement or as a verb when you are pursuing a guy/girl romantically. Example: "Eliza got offered a job at Duke Energy today! Holler!"
"I tried to holler at this cute guy on the Metro today, but I got distracted by a homeless man banging his head on the windows,"

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