Saturday, December 1, 2012

Denver Part 3: Sam is Not Our Man

Freaking Sam.

As planned, Jordan and I said our goodbyes to Constance and then headed over to the address that Sam sent. He had been texting Jordan the entire day about us coming over and just said that he was going to make tacos for us for dinner. Score. 

I started to get confused when the GPS led us to what looked like a dorm apartment building. 

"Is this....?" I said to Jordan.

Yes, yes it was. Unbeknownst to us, Sam lived in a dorm. As in college dorm. Now on Couchsurfing there was a spot on each person's profile where you could describe your living situation for surfers, including how many people you could comfortably fit, whether you had a bed or couch and so on. It would have been perfectly fine had we known Sam lived in a dorm, but it caught us by surprise and we instantly wished that we had stayed in Constance's cozy apartment. As it were, however, we were already there and we might as well saw it through. We parked and then waited awkwardly in front of the double doors, which you obviously needed a campus ID to enter. Then Sam came out to greet us. 

Just to give you a visual, he was wearing a Cookie Monster hat, white-washed blue jeans, and a green tank top that revealed an uneven patch of chest hair.

A picture that Jordan drew of Sam. It's more or less pretty close to the original. 

Now just to give you the short version of the night's events from this moment on, here is a list of red flags of why we should have stayed with Constance or Aaron instead: 

1. He was the first host that Jordan and I didn't hug. 

2. We had to our licenses checked at the front desk for 20 minutes and had to hide our beer, even though we were all of age. 

3. There was another CouchSurfer still there that Sam also did not care to mention on the phone. He was from Kansas City, a comedian and had a crude sense of humor. He made a joke about the recent Colorado shooting, saying that the dorm was "so close to the Aurora theater that you could probably still hear the screams." Needless to say we did not take a liking to him.

4. The dorm room included two bedrooms and a typical common room with a small couch and loveseat...which meant with Sam's roommate and Mr. I Like to Make Fun of Horrible Tragedies, Jordan and I were going to be sleeping on the floor. Also not mentioned. 

5. It was the first time that we that watched TV instead of having a conversation with a host. It was at this point that I got a text from Jordan that only said "Gotta go." 

6. Sam saying that he wanted to "go get drunk" and "party hard" about 20 times in a hour. I'm sorry, but was our host a cast member of Jersey Shore?

7. When Jordan and I tried to reason with him that we wanted to hang out tonight, but we were probably going to go stay the night at Constance's afterwards, since it was obvious he lacked space to have us and we didn't want to be an inconvenience, he didn't have any of it.

He then acquired this new know-it-all tone and said that he knew that we were new to CouchSurfing, but he had to give us a tip: "when you say that you are going to stay with someone you should stay with them." I felt like he was forcing us to stay because we had a car and he wanted someone to go out with. In the end, Jordan and I begrudgingly agreed to stay with him and put up a jolly face because we didn't want a bad reference, which is pretty much like CS suicide. 

8. He lacked all perception of personal space when he got drunk. It was like babysitting a drunk freshman who had whiskey for the first time. He would get less than an inch away from my face, was socially awkward (Aaron even confirmed this), and was just an overall mess. 

9. He punched a standing sign in the lobby when we finally got back from the bar and consequently almost got in trouble with the security guard that was there watching him. 

10. He spit when he talked. 

Really, need I say more? If it wasn't for Aaron showing up to the rescue and being there the entire time, I might have pushed Sam into incoming traffic. Thankfully, however, we had a decent good bit of fun making a game of exchanging looks to each other every time Sam did something inappropriate or stupid throughout the entire night–which was a LOT. 

Once we finally got back to his place, I got my pillows and sheets from my car and laid them out on the living room floor and went straight to sleep without changing clothes. I already couldn't wait until morning and when we could leave. 

Only until we were on the road that next morning did Jordan and I breathe huge sighs of relief. And then we burst out laughing. It was the only thing to do, after that experience. It was true, we were new to CouchSurfing and didn't know what to do in that situation. Aaron however, shined some light on us last night and unlike Sam, I actually valued and trusted his advice. He said that when it came down to it, if you weren't comfortable, then we didn't have to stay at a host's place. Simple as that. Given, our situation was not nearly as bad as it could have been, but it also could have been avoided too. Jordan, apparently, had to deal with Sam even more than I did. 

Turned out that when I went to sleep, Sam lured Jordan into his room for another drink, insisted on closing the door so as not to wake up his roommate, and then busted out his ukulele. After the fifth poorly sung Florence and the Machine song, he proceeded to pull out his poem titled "Sunday Sex" and do a poetry reading too. 

By this point in the story, I was in hysterics. 

"Welp," I said to Jordan as we drove to Durango, Colorado, " At least we didn't get a bad reference." 

A beautiful view of Colorado. 

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