Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Best of Craigslist: Issue II

If you look for jobs on Craigslist you need to be an expert about weeding through the BS. This is a compilation of the latest BS on America's favorite website.

1. Fix My Talking Yoda! (Norwalk)In 2002, I bought a talking Yoda doll. It was the bomb. Sent it to friends around the world and he has had his pics taken aplenty.
Moved to a new house, unpacking him, and he doesn't work!
This is what he would be like if working....

Can you fix him?

Is this like the Traveling Gnome remix? Who are you– Travelocity? Or maybe the Sisterhood of the Traveling Yoda? And did you ever think that if you bought him a decade ago, he might not be working because he needs new batteries? I mean, Yoda can only talk for so long. He's probably tired of you shipping him to all corners of the world and needs to retire. Give him a break– he's only human after all. Oh wait...

2. get paid to go to high end club tonight$300 (hollywood)Hi I'm Chris and I'm going to a club tonight and getting bottle service and have fun looking for a good looking girl or two to join there will be some friends that are girls with me just for fun and I can pay you 300 you can also bring a friend this is for tonight if you can send pics and I will get back to you with info thanks

Hi Chris,

I don't mean to be rude, but how lonely are you that you will pay $300 for a woman to just hang out with you at the club? What's wrong with you? My first thoughts are that you might be disfigured, handicapped or terribly mangled in some way, but even then people can be sympathetic to the less fortunate. So this makes me think that it is your personality. Do you just want the women to hang out with you or are you really paying them for something more? If you want an orgy you should just say so.

Also, who are you trying to impress? Is your high school arch enemy going to be there? Do you want him/her to think that you have got it made in Hollywood when you really are just paying hundreds of dollars for company?

I'm sorry that you are so lonely but maybe you deserve it.

Bye Chris.

3. Public restroom location needed (L.A.)I'm looking for a public restroom location as close as possible to the one from this scene from Due Date-

Yes of course there is pay, but I need the perfect location. Please send pics and rates.

When I first read this, I thought that it was just some random man looking for a place to pee. I was like "you don't need to waste you time making a craigslist ad, there's an app for that!" But as it is, did you see that bathroom in that video? It basically defines every dingy public restroom in Los Angeles! Easy peasy. I bet he/she could just walk down their street and find at least five restrooms that fit that description. 

4. Hot, Hotter The Hottest Chick Needed (LA)
I am looking for one sexy gal to have an on going mutually beneficial arrangement with. I am looking for a Latina or white gal. I'm nice and chill and white please send pic thanks

Here we go again with this Latina preference again. And why did this person think it was necessary to say that he was white? Did he think that that would exemplify or prove why he is "nice" and "chill"? I would think that he was one of those "white is right" supremeist people if it weren't for the fact that he saved room for the Hispanic crowd too. How thoughtful of him.

And then there's the title. I'm glad to know that you know your adjective functions, but is that really necessary?! We get it, you'd like her to be attractive. Point noted. Sometimes I would just once like to see someone mix it up and post an ad that says "Smart, Smarter The Smartest Woman Needed (LA)."

5. i need a pass on smog (sf valley area)

I need help passing smog. My car has an aftermarket CAD. Converter, and its not going to pass. I can't afford a market CAD. Converter. Looking for someone that can pass me

I would like to do pay and barter. Offering $100, and a free deep tissue massage. I'm a licensed professional, specializing in deep tissue corrective massage. CAMTC licensing, skilled and will give you a great, long, healing session. To you or a loved one. 

So, I'm offering $100 + barter services.Please let me know. December is my last month, they won't extent me again. Please help. 

If you didn't know, Los Angeles has a smog problem. Therefore cars in the state of California have to undergo a smog test to check their emission. This person cracks me up. He/she not only is willing to pay for someone to illegally pass their car, but threw in a free massage into the package as a bonus. They even gave the person an option to give the massage as a gift for someone else too! If that isn't great bartering skills, I don't know what is.

Missed Best of Craigslist: Issue 1? See it here

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